Parental Identity & Marketing: They're More Alike Than You Think
It all begins with an idea.
With the way the world has changed, you'd be hard pressed to find a household that didn't have at least some connection to an entrepreneur! Whether it's you or your partner, your colleague, and/or a family member - the idea that the digital world has opened up so many opportunities for us to create flexible lives is difficult to ignore! As I work with many work from home parents, I am struck by the similarities that exists between being a business owner and being a parent! In this video, I share with you 3 ways that being a parent is similar to marketing as a business owner!
No time to watch the video. Read the transcript below.
For those of you who know me know that I'm a parent coach and that my business is The Parenting Skill. Well in that business you know that I do have two roles. Number one: I'm a parent coach, I help parents discover and unlock their unique parenting powers. But in my other role, I'm also a business owner. And what's funny: as I work with parents and as I work behind the scene as a business owner, I begin to see how so much of what you do as a parent is a lot like running your own business and trying to market to clients. So, let me tell you a little bit about why I think that and how is that going to look for you in your family.
Knowing Your Ideal Clients
So the first role that parenting and marketing look exactly alike, is that in marketing you have to know who your ideal clients are. That translate to: do you really know who your children are? As a parent you are a business owner and your children are your ideal clients. An ideal client is someone who you know what their problems are, you know what their biggest worries are, and you know what their pain points are. But, you also know what their strengths are; you know what invigorates them, and what motivates them and what makes them happy. So if you're a parent and you are trying to see how can you really get in tune with your child, you can ask yourself, "Who is my ideal client?" You really need to understand not just their pain points, not just the things that make them tick, and not just their behaviors. But you also have to understand their strengths, what motivates them, what invigorates them, and what gives them life. If you learn both of those together, then you are going to know your ideal client. The same way as business owners and marketers have to know their ideal clients as well.
As a parent you are a business owner and your children are your ideal clients.
Building Relationships With Your Ideal Client
The second tip is to know how to build relationship with your clients. As a business owner, it is not simply me knowing what your pain points are and what's really going on for you or what problem I need to solve for you. But it is also good for me to get to know you, for us to trust each other and for us to build a great relationship that you trust the knowledge and strategies that I give you - and that I trust that you are going to follow through on that advice. It's definitely a two-way street. The same thing goes for you as a parent! Again remember you are the business owner, your kids are your ideal clients. And in order to really help them move forward and to really help them understand and unlock who they are truly. you've got to build a relationship with them. Building a relationship means really understanding who they are by: talking to them, building trust with them, having those everyday conversations where you understand what's truly going on in their lives. And, even more so, knowing what's truly making them feel different things. That's part of building a relationship. And as a parent and as the business owner of your family, you've got to know how to do that - build that relationship! In order to really move your kids as a parent or your clients as a business owner forward in the work that you're doing with them.
Building relationships is just as integral to parenting as it is for building a business - it's where you build trust and truly get to know who you're serving.
Problem Solving With Your Ideal Clients
Lastly, you combine knowing who your ideal client is and building that relationship together, which then coalesces into the third tip: getting down to problem solving. As a business owner if I don't know who you are, if I haven't built any trust with you, are you really going to allow me to help you solve any of the issues that are going on for you? The answer is no! The same applies for you as a parent. Again, I want to recall that you're the business owner of your family. Your kids are your ideal clients. So if you really understood who they are, you've really taken the time to build that trust, that relationship, they will come to you with their problems. They'll come to you with their peer issues; they'll come to you with their academic issues; they'll come to you with their social issues. Then, together you and your child can problem solve to figure out what’s really going on for my child. When you're problem solving you can create healthy solutions that your kids trust or are in their best interest. And, moreover, if you're done tips 1 & 2, you'll believe that they'll actually follow through with the solutions you've come up with. This can really create a great cycle for you and your family. So as the business owner of your family, you really get to see some real progress. You really get to see your kids move forward and you get to do that in a way that builds trust and creates a great foundation for you to continue to be an effective rocking parent. Isn't that awesome?!
The problem solving step can't happen if you don't know who your child is and haven't taken the time to build the relationship. Problem solving involves trust - so you have to build that first - just like a business owner would!
The Recap
Know your ideal clients: You have to know your ideal clients and as a parent your ideal clients are your children. You have to understand what makes them tick, what makes them excited, what their main pain points are, and what their main strengths are.
Building relationships with your ideal clients: You have to start by using all that knowledge that you've gained from knowing what their strengths and weaknesses are, what their pain points are and what motivates them to really begin to build that relationship with their kid.
Problem solving with your ideal clients: If you've done a great job of understanding their strengths and weaknesses, really building that trust, then your kids will come to you with all their issues; with all their problems. Then, you can really figure how to actually come up with solutions that is are to be unique to your child.
Parental Identity and Your Family's Love Language
It all begins with an idea.
Learning our family's love language can really enhance and strengthen the relationships we have with each other! Although the original concept of love languages was created for couples, the idea that we all have specific ways that we like to give and receive love is present in all the relationships we have!
Want to take the quizzes I mentioned in the video? Scroll down to the bottom of this post.
No time to watch the video? Read the transcript below.
The 5 love languages is a concept, and book, that was created by Dr. Gary Chapman. In his original books, he was talking about how couples give and receive love based on five core love languages that we all have. However, he’s expanded that concept to also include children and teenagers.
In today’s video, I wanted to really talk about what those five love languages are and how you and your family can begin to understand each other’s love language, so that you can really create that foundation to your relationship that, as I always talk about, helps us to deal with discipline, helps to deal with behaviors, helps us to deal with conflicts and helps us to really enjoy spending time with each other.
Quality Time
The first love language is quality time. Now, we’ve all heard about that concept and we know that when we spend quality time with one another that really helps us to really build our bonds together and to feel really comfortable with each other. So if someone in your family’s love language is quality time, that means they like to give their love and show their love by spending time with you and taking some time just to have quality time together. They also feel love when people spend quality time with them.
The love language of quality time includes being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
Words of Affirmation
The second love language is words with affirmation. In this love language it goes beyond praise but it goes into this idea of really understanding how to give love in words and in the ways that we speak to each other. If someone in your family or yourself has words of affirmation as their main love language, what they crave is to give love by saying positive things to each other or letting other people know that you love them. You might say things like "I love you," "I really appreciate what you’re doing," or other similar phrases. It also means that you also feel love, when people give you words of affirmation. So when others in your family let you know that they appreciate you by their words or by the affirming phrases that they use. I think this is really important love language to realize because you could be doing other things for your child or your partner, but if they really feel like hearing the words of affirmation being spoken to them this is the way that they feel love from you.
The love language of words of affirmation include spoken words of love, praise, positive affirmations, and appreciation.
Acts of Service
The third love language is acts of service service. These can be sometimes misconstrued as giving in to somebody or do everything for them. But if someone in your family - whether it be you or your child or your spouse - has the love language that is primarily acts of service, it doesn’t mean that you have to always do things for them. It also means that’s how they show love to other people. They may show love by doing the dishes for you even though it was not their night or bringing home dinner on a night when you feel really tired and didn’t want to cook tonight. Or just doing something positive for you that you didn’t ask for but they felt like they wanted to do it for you. So when we get love to someone whose main love language is acts of service, it's really important to think, "I don’t always have to do for them, even though I know that that is how they accept and receive love. But I also need to be able to receive when they do small acts of service for me as well."
The love language of acts of service includes doing simple tasks that take things off their to-do list or positively accepting when they complete a task for you.
Receiving Gifts
The fourth love language is receiving gifts. If someone in your family has that love language, let’s break that down a little bit. I know that this one can be a kind of controversial love language where it's like, "I’m not always going to be buying somebody something to show them that I love them." Whoever in your family - maybe your kids, maybe your spouse - has the primary love language of receiving gifts the idea that they like to be receive things that have been thought about and given with love. It could be you went to the bookstore and you thought of a book that they would love; it could be that you were out somewhere shopping and you saw a little trinket and thought they would really like this. But, it doesn’t have to be a big, grandiose thing like an Xbox game system or a diamond ring; it can even be something homemade that wanted to make for them and give it to them. When someone has the love language of receiving gifts and it also means they like to express their love by giving others gifts as well. For example, you may get little gifts from our kids - like they might bring a flower home on their way home from school. Or from our spouse, they might bring home a newspaper article they feel like they really wanted you to see. The bottom line is that it doesn’t always have to be about these grandiose, expensive gifts, it could just be the thought behind why you’re bringing that gift or why you’re bringing that trinket to the person that really helps them to feel like someone loves me and this is how I receive love in my language.
The love language of receiving gifts includes gifts or trinkets that you give with love and thoughts about how the other person will feel great about getting it.
Physical Touch
The last love language is physical touch. Physical touch can be really controversial for people who don’t really like to hug or don't like to touch. You can kind of assume that’s probably not their love language. But, if you have someone in your family who really likes to be close to you, to cuddle, to hug you, or touch you on the hand - you can assume that person's love language is physical touch. And just like with all the other love languages, it doesn't have to be grandiose big shows of affection. This person can feel love from a light touch, where you touch them on the hand; you might hold their hands when you are out in public; you might give them a hug, when you see them. Or when you're sitting together watching TV, whether it be with your kids or with your spouse, just sitting close to them, so that way they know you are there. Someone who has this love language also likes to express love by giving people hugs or touching people in light ways. So that way they can feel like they are giving love to you in this way.
The love language of physical touch includes being close to someone through touch - whether a tactile display or just by being physically close to someone.
One of the reasons why I really appreciate the concept of the 5 love languages is because when we get really serious about understanding the people in our lives, especially in our family, especially in our parenting, it really helps us to understand how we give and receive love. It explains why when you gave someone a gift they didn’t love as much but when you give them a hug they felt like the world had just opened up for them. It let's us know how each persons in our family gives and receives love. Each of these love languages teaches us who we are, how we like to receive love, and how we like to feel love. But it also teaches us how that person likes to give love and express their love for other people.
Quizzes
I really encourage you to take the quizzes and to really understand how your family shows love, how they receive love, and how they feel love. Each of the quizzes is specific to adults, kids, and teens. And even thought this can be great for Valentine's Day, it just doesn't have to be a holiday about spouses and gifts and dinner. It could also be a holiday where we show our love for our family. We show that intimate relationship to our family members and say, "Hey, I love you and I'm going to show love to you in that way that makes you feel love and makes you feel accepted."
Use the quizzes below to find out your family's love language! For your children, send the link to them so they can take it themselves! This can be a great family activity to do and to discuss together!
**The 5 Love Languages, the summaries of each love language, and the concept of The 5 Love Languages is from The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.**